The world keeps turning
by msindigojazz
Summary: Erin struggles through some life-altering decisions, while Rossi is struggling with how much he should get involved without causing her more distress. Balancing love and friendship can be a difficult task, especially when the other party might be oblivious of your feelings.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I have tweaked the facts and timeline to better fit my story.

Erin was sitting in the middle of her living room floor sorting through papers, the piles in front of her seemed to be never-ending. It was getting dark, she'd been at it for hours on end without realizing day had turned into night. She gently massaged her neck as she got up and walked towards the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and browsed its contents, settling on some Ritz-crackers and a glass of ice-tea. She knew she should probably eat something, she'd been skipping meals for weeks now. She'd been loosing weight, her blouses and skirts were much more loose-fitting now than they had been just a few weeks ago. Even though she was the one that had asked her husband to move out, the whole process had taken its toll on her.

As she was walking through the dark house she battled her inner demons, she was a master at self-doubting and the voice in her head was questioning every little thing she did lately.

«Stop it!» she breathed out. The sound of her own voice startled her.

Had she been wrong for doing this, should she had stayed in her loveless marriage? She was so sure of her decision the day she sat her husband down for the talk, she'd been feeling lost for such a long time. Couldn't keep it up anymore, that's what she told him. He was a good man, he'd always stood by her and he was such a great father to their children. She almost felt ashamed for not being able to love him the way she thought a wife should love her husband. Somehow over the last few years she had lost herself. She didn't know who Erin really was anymore. She needed to get to know herself again, she wanted to be able to feel something again. But at the same time she felt guilty for putting her own needs and wants before her family. She'd always taken pride in her picture perfect family, proud of the fact that her marriage had made it past 20 years. She never wanted her children to be raised in a broken family, dividing their time between parents and houses. It certainly wasn't the outcome she had hoped for all those years ago.

She was in the shower when her phone rang, her favorite sad jazz song playing in the background. She turned the shower off and answered the phone as she ran naked across the room to turn the music off.

«Strauss.» She caught herself almost snarling into the phone. She was already in a bad mood, surely having Agent Hotchner calling her on a Saturday night wouldn't make it any better.

«I understand, I will be there.» She hung up and reached for her towel. The BAU had caught a case in Phoenix, Arizona, they were leaving in a few hours. She was in the middle of her annual review of her teams and she'd asked to join each of them on a field case. Maybe not so much asked as demanded, but then again Section Chief Strauss was not one to ask.


	2. Chapter 2

She closed her eyes as the team was reviewing the case on the plane. She was so tired her whole body ached, she hadn't been able to sleep through a full night since Bill had left. She'd been surprised to find herself unable to sleep without him next to her, it was just one of those things she'd never thought about and suddenly found herself missing. She wasn't sure if it was Bill she missed, or just the feeling of a warm body next to her. She shook her head and got up to get herself a glass of water and sit down with the team. After all, that was what she was there for.

«It's weird though sir, an unsub suffering a psychotic break shouldn't be able to be so organized when getting rid of the bodies…» Prentiss was looking at Aaron Hotchner as she spoke, but every so often casting a nervous glance in Erin's direction.

The team continued to discuss the case and she listened in, pretending to take notes while asking a question now and again. She was regretting her decision to accompany the team on a case, she felt way too old to be doing this.

«How do you do this?» She asked Agent Rossi as they exited the jet in Phoenix. A wave of hot desert air hit her face, she closed her eyes and smiled for a brief moment. She always did like the heat.

He looked up at her just as the smile faded from her lips.

«You should do that more often you know, smile. You're much more human-like when you do.» He said it without thinking, he often did that around her. It was like he couldn't help himself. But she was beautiful when she smiled, he wished he was able to make her smile like that. He wondered what it would feel like to have her smile at him, a genuine happy smile.

She glared at him. «I'm going to pretend I never heard you say that Agent Rossi» she said while ignoring the butterflies in the pit of her stomach. It's not because of him, she told herself, it's because I only had three damn Ritz-crackers for dinner. She stalked off to catch up to J.J.

He fought his first impulse to chase after her, he knew that would only make matters worse. So he let her go for now, he'd find a way to talk to her later. He'd heard rumors about her marriage and he'd noticed she'd lost some weight lately. It was none of his business really, but he wanted to know, and he wanted to make sure she was all right. In many ways she was his nemesis at the bureau, but they had known each other for such a long time and he didn't want to see her get hurt. He knew she thought of him as a chauvinistic ladies man at times, but even if she didn't know it, he had always had her back at work. He never had a problem voicing his opinions when they'd differed from hers, but he respected her enough to see that being one of very few women among too many alpha-males took a lot of hard work, intellect and political skills.

Strauss got to see Aaron Hotchner and his team in action for the first time since the Foyet-case had blown up in their faces. She did her best to stay in the background as the dreary case grew bigger for each day.

«How come nobody missed these women?» Erin couldn't help herself any longer, she had to address the elephant in the room.

«Well, Ma'am, the victims are all middle-aged, divorced women who spent most of their time at work. Given the fact that the killer took the time to have them call in sick to their place of work, it took a while before someone noticed» J.J said.

«Well, I hardly see why them being middle-aged should have anything to do with the fact that nobody missed them for days» Strauss stared at J.J.

«No Ma'am, it doesn't. It was just an observation in regard to victimology, this unsub has a very specific type. He likes middle-aged, blonde, divorced career-women» J.J explained to her in a calm and polite manner.

«Excuse me» Erin got up from her seat and walked towards the ladies room. She was feeling flushed, maybe she didn't like the heat as well as she thought she did. She longed for a nice, relaxing shower and the comforts of her own bed. She splashed some cold water on her face and the back of her neck to cool down, she put her hair up and regarded her reflection in the mirror. She felt old and drained of energy.

Rossi was waiting for her outside the bathroom.

«What was that about?» he asked her.

«What was what about?» she shrugged him off while she kept walking.

He grabbed her arm and she spun around.

«Do NOT touch me like that Agent Rossi. I am your superior and you better start remembering that.» She spat the words out, while looking at him with as much contempt as she could muster. She yanked her arm out of his grip.

«You are, you are my superior Erin. But you're also my friend, and as your friend I'm asking you; what the hell is going on with you lately?» He looked her right in the eye, he would not let her stare him down.

She felt her throat starting to close up on her, and it felt like her heart was trying to beat it's way out of her chest. There was a strange ringing noise in her ears and her head was spinning. She could see him talking, but there was no sound coming out of his mouth. She felt weightless, as she was lifted of the ground and thrown into a whirlwind. She blinked frantically trying to regain some sort of footing. She backed into the wall behind her and slid down.

«Erin? Erin, are you ok?» He was leaning over her looking concerned.

«I, uh, I don't feel so good David, I think I might be sick».

«Yeah, you don't look too good. I'll take you back to the hotel» he offered her his hand for support to get back up. He suppressed a smile when she pushed it away. That was Erin for you, she hated for people to see her in a vulnerable state. He wanted to put his arm around her, hold her and tell her that it's ok to let your guard down sometimes. But he knew he couldn't do that, they weren't close anymore. Hadn't been for years.

She looked at him, and for a short moment he saw Erin looking at him, not the Section Chief. It was a gut wrenching feeling of something familiar, yet lost.

«Would someone miss me?» her voice was raw and emotional. «I mean, I'm just like the victims, aren't I? Nobody noticed them being gone, nobody checked on them. Nobody cared.» She cleared her throat. She could punch herself, why was she asking Rossi this, of all people.

«I would. I'd know something was up. First of all, you're never sick so that alone would tip me off.» He smiled at her.

«And?» Strauss was back, the tone of her voice had changed.

«And what?» He shrugged.

«You can't say first of all without following up with a second of all. This irks me you know, why do people do that?» She was using her strictest Strauss voice to get the point across, but bumped his shoulder and smiled at him when he turned to look at her.

Second of all, I love you, so of course I'd notice if you were missing. Thats what he wanted to say, but as usual he said nothing. Just like he had all those years ago when he'd made the mistake of letting her go the first time. He'd tried to tell himself he was over her a long time ago, that he'd accepted the fact that she would never be his. He'd even tried turning his feelings into resentment, but truth was that some days he caught himself wondering what life would have been like had things turned out different back then.

«And by the way, I think I'll just go for a little walk, get some fresh air and let you get back to your team. No need for you to take me all the way back to the hotel now.»

«Erin? ERIN?» He woke up in a sweat reaching for something in the distance. His heart was pounding in his chest. It was just a bad dream he reasoned. The case had gotten under his skin and her comparing herself to the victims had probably been the trigger. He felt a sudden urge to check on her. But there was no way he could start knocking on her door in the middle of the night. Besides she'd been avoiding him like the plague all day after the little incident at the station.

Seeing her the next day at breakfast made him feel a little better, and he was glad he hadn't gone knocking on her door at 4 a.m. That would not have ended well, Strauss was not one of the damsels in distress that needed a knight in shining armor rescue them. She was the Dragon Lady, and she held her own. He shook it off, he needed to focus on the case. They were presenting a profile today, if they were lucky they'd catch the son of a bitch and get to go home. He just wanted things to go back to normal, Strauss needed to get back to her desk and stay out of his head. When he didn't have to see her every day they functioned fine. At least thats what he told himself.

«You know, you picked a bad one…» He said as he sat down in the chair opposite her on the jet.

They'd finally caught the guy, he'd shot himself when he realized there was no way out. Just as well, if you asked Rossi.

He half expected her to come up with some smart response, to disagree with him. After all, bickering back and forth was what they did best. Instead she just sighed and put her earplugs down.

«John Coltrane?» He asked nodding to her phone.

«Actually it's The Red Garland Quintet with John Coltrane.»

«Well, I was close.» He laughed.

She didn't reply, just looked at him with a blank expression in her eyes.

«How did you know?» She asked after a few moments in silence.

He liked the feeling of just sitting with her in complete silence. No need to speak or fill the emptiness with meaningless words.

«Ah, I know you Erin.» He leaned back in his seat.

She looked like he'd slapped her.

«No, you don't. You knew me once, a lifetime ago. A marriage and three kids ago, you knew me. Don't make the mistake of thinking you still know me, or thinking that you can use that information to profile me.» Her voice vas hard, cold even.

She crossed her arms causing her cleavage to stick out just enough to make it quite noticeable. Rossi felt something tug at his core as he looked at the way the outline of her underwear was showing through the creamy white blouse she was wearing.

«Well, in my case it's been three marriages» He laughed a little, trying to defuse the situation. He made a mental note of her wording, _a marriage ago,_ did that mean the rumors were true then?

«Don't, just… Don't». She put her earplugs in and closed her eyes.


End file.
